


Talk to Me

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Marvel OneShots [32]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, I'm Sorry, So so sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, hard to write this one, major major feels, read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:55:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10710702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: You were left broken, with a wound no one could fix. He shattered your heart and you didn’t see a life worth living anymore.





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

> It took me awhile to actually write this one because honestly, it was quite hard. But a very close friend of mine went through something similar to this. It’s been two years since her suicide attempt and she’s doing much better. She’s still struggling, but she’s taking it day by day.
> 
> PLEASE DON’T READ if these trigger you!

* * *

 

No matter what you told him or how many times you said it, he still didn’t believe you. 

He was gone for good and this time he was never going to come back. It didn’t fully hit you until your bedroom door slammed shut in your face. That’s when the full weight of it all came smashing down onto you like a barrel of bricks. A terrible, twisting and unsettling feeling coiled in your stomach. You wanted to close your eyes, fall into a dark abyss and never wake up. But at the same time, you wanted to chase after him and beg him to stay. However, it was too late. 

_ “I love you so much, but I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry (Y/N).” _

Nothing mattered anymore anyways, he wasn’t coming back. He made that perfectly clear after the things he said, he still hated himself. He felt disgusted and argued he was never going to change.  _ “I’m not the same man Steve grew up with (Y/N)! I’m not good enough for you and I never will be. No one can fix me, not even you, so please just stop wasting your time on me. I’m a hopeless case, I can’t live like this anymore.” _ Then he was gone. He was gone forever.

You crumpled against the wall of your bedroom. You couldn’t breathe. Your hands started to shake so badly it spread throughout your body. An invisible force wrapped its way around your lungs, cutting off your air supply. Your lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. Darkness consumed you, a dark bottomless pit, with no sign of an exit. 

That’s how your best friend Steve found you, well into the next morning. In the same position, you were in, back pressed up against the wall, completely paralyzed. Steve took in your appearance, your eyes were distant from any emotion, any sign of life. Cheeks stained with previous tears, eyes red and vacant, void of everything. Your body still trembled slightly and Steve knew right away what was wrong. 

He remembered going through this exact same thing after he first lost Bucky after he fell off the train. This, however, was different, Bucky  _ made _ his choice and left, turned his back away from you. The choice was his and his alone and there was nothing you could to change it. Steve knew you were here physically, but you were already lost to them.

“(Y/N), talk to me, please.” Steve said softly, kneeling next to you, “Can you tell me what happened?” You don’t say anything, the scene played on repeat in your head. His words, the door slamming, his retreating back. You were left broken, left to pick up the pieces. You tried to make him stay, begged him to listen to you, believe you, but nothing went through. He still left. 

“He’s gone Steve…..he left me.” Your voice cracked as you replied a few minutes later. This was the last time Steve or anyone else would ever hear your voice, for a very  _ very _ long time. 

* * *

 

It’s been weeks after he left, you cut off any and all forms of communication with everyone. You never acknowledged anyone or spoke to them, even when they pleaded with you. The autopilot switch in your body turned itself on, you no longer felt as if you controlled your own body. You tried to go on missions, but Steve decided it was best if you take time off from any future ones. You became reckless, letting down your guard, always putting yourself into dangerous situations whenever out in the field, you no longer felt the need to protect yourself. 

The others tried to rationalize with you, but their words never made it through. Steve and Natasha were the most understanding and patient. They often sat with you on the landing pad to watch the night sky until the sunset came and gone. Nat would lie with you on the couch telling you stories in Russian to coax your mind. Steve was always there at night, whether it was to read to you or to help you get back to sleep after nightmares plagued your dreams. 

Your daily routine was always the same. You ate your food, washed, woke up, read and constantly stared off into space. They would often find you sitting somewhere facing a wall and just stare at it. Not once did you say anything to anyone. Whenever you tried to open your mouth around them, sobs came out, leaving you exhausted even more. The feeling of having a body no longer made itself known to you. You became an empty shell, left behind on an empty beach. A ghost wandering along empty hallways, with nowhere to go. You weren’t (Y/N) anymore and you never would be. 

Not when Bucky was gone.

* * *

 

Eight months after Bucky’s departure, Steve and Nat started to notice more going on with you. Something much deeper than they both realized. You hardly ever left your room, whenever you did, you automatically went to sleep on the couches. Only waking up for a few minutes before going back to sleep. The most they’ve ever seen you awake and moving were three hours each day, however, it slowly dwindled down to one hour a day, the more the days progressed. You would go through phases where you’d wake up screaming and just sit there frantically trying to get out of the black hole you were in. Bruce and Helen informed every one of their conclusion, you were diagnosed with Major Severe Depression and Persistent Depressive Disorder. Since you refused to talk, talk therapy was out of the question. They were lucky you were even willing to take medications. But even that was a challenge. 

Tony informed every one of your random disappearances. After looking at the security footage from the past few months, it became known to him, that you often left the compound several times a day and wouldn’t come back until hours later. Some records showed you actually were gone for days on end. It always worried Steve and put him on edge. He thought about having someone accompany you the whole day, but he was worried it would just push you back even further. It became difficult for everyone to continue on with their jobs, Fury agreed it would be wise for them to take some time off and watch over you. 

Another four months passed by and it was lucky for anyone if they ran into you. Even though you still lived in the Avengers Complex, it felt as though you no longer did. You were gone for longer periods of time, leaving the team worried when you were going to come back. Or if you ever were going to come back. 

* * *

It’s been about a year since you last used your voice. You lost so much weight it was becoming unhealthy. You only ate enough to survive, but even that took a tremendous amount of energy from you. Steve’s friend Sharon had a secluded off the grid safe house she was willing to let you stay in. Steve walked beside you as you both headed towards the front door. He handed you the key, “No one knows about this place (Y/N), it’s completely off the grid. Fury cleared everything, so only us four know you’re here. I promise.”

Tears began to pool in your eyes once more as Steve pulled you against him, your arms wrapped around clutching to his back. “Take all the time you need.” 

Again you didn’t speak, you just watched as Steve left you again. Steve watched you close the door of the house as he drove away, something still nagged at him. In the back of his head he had a bad feeling, he didn’t know what it was for sure, but he knew it wasn’t good. 

A week passes and Steve decides to come visit you, to make sure you’re still eating, keep you company. Even if he was only met with silence, the least he could do was be there for you. Nat was more than eager to join him, but as they pulled into the driveway, they knew something was off. Way off. The front door of the house was hanging on its hinges and the windows were shattered. They both ran into the house to see it all in disarray. Furniture laying in broken heaps on the floor, from being thrown against the walls. The house was empty, they looked at each other in fear. You were gone. 

* * *

You had enough of this life. You had enough of waking up in the morning to see glimpses of Bucky, his ghost forever haunting you. Plaguing your dreams. And you know this because after you trashed the house, you found yourself standing on a ledge of a road overpass, watching as the cars zipped underneath you. All you needed to do was jump and end everything.

You would die instantly, be free from all this pain. 

You could just let go. 

All you know is that you’re ready. You’re ready to end things, ready to let go, to leave everything behind. To end the life you no longer had. 

You were  _ ready. _

* * *

 

“Dammit (Y/N) where are you?!” Steve screamed as he pushed on the acceleration. “We’re coming (Y/N), we’re coming, please just wait a bit longer.” 

“Steve?” He quickly looked at Nat, following her line of sight to where you were standing. They soon saw a figure rushing towards you on the opposite side of the overpass.

_ Bucky. _

* * *

 

You stared down at the cars, hypnotized by the way they rushed passed each other. 

You lost track of how long you were standing there, not that it mattered anyways. Not a lot of people were around, those that were tried to help you down, but they stopped as soon as you moved closer to the edge. Soon enough a small crowd was gathered but was pushed back way off to the side as the police blocked off the area. Voices grew louder as hastened footsteps made their way towards you. You knew exactly who they belonged to, but you made no notion to acknowledge them. 

“(Y/N) please,” Steve’s soft voice soon filled your ears, “you don’t have to do this.”

You shook your head, you weren’t about to give in. You didn’t before and it wasn’t going to happen now.

“(Y/N) please come off the ledge,” Nat spoke up this time as she took slow steps towards you. You loosened your grip on the pole you were holding. Threatening the both of them, you’d jump if they came any closer. Minutes pass, the only sounds you could hear was the cars underneath you, the wind brushing past you. But at that moment, your heart picked up its pace as a familiar voice floated towards you. It was faint, like a whisper of a promise. A broken promise.

_ “(Y/N).” _

You gasped and clutched your heart with your free hand. This was all a trick, this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

“(Y/N), please come down from the ledge,” Bucky replied softly, quietly as to not to startle you any further. When all Bucky wanted to do was rush to you and beg for forgiveness for leaving you the way he did.

You shook your head, a fresh sob racking through you, causing your hands to almost slip from their grasp. Bucky could see your arms shaking, your feet moving closer to the edge of the ledge you were standing on. Bucky stopped himself from rushing towards you, grab you off and hold you safely in his arms. But he stopped himself, “(Y/N)  _ please _ don’t do this. I’m sorry I left you, I’m so sorry. That was the stupidest thing I ever could do, but please come down. Come down and we can talk.” 

You shifted your feet, staring straight at the cars. Then for the first time in a year, you muttered faintly. Your voice raspy, broken and hoarse from the lack of use. It was almost painful. “Y-You’re…..not…..Bucky.”

“I am doll, I’m Bucky, I’m here.” Tears trickled down his cheeks as he begged. “It’s me, the real me, I’m here. And I’m so sorry (Y/N), I’m sorry I left -”

“No...Bucky….. _ left me _ ,” You snapped at him, “you’re not….real. You never were.” 

“Look at me (Y/N), I’m right here.”

You feared to look behind you to find him not there. Just as the countless times before. Eventually, your head slowly made its way around to look at the man behind you. Bucky didn’t have to say anything in order to see you still didn’t believe he was actually there. He watched as various emotions washed over your face, confusion, hurt, love, anger, betrayal. 

“(Y/N), doll, I’m right  _ here. _ You hate coffee, you think it tastes disgusting and you won’t kiss me until I brushed my teeth because of it,” Bucky said softly, reminding you of the things he loved most about you, “you prefer to have cookies for breakfast, so you eat them behind Steve’s back when he forces you to eat real food. You enjoy photography and writing, you’d always take pictures of everyone and put them together as scrapbooks.”

You turn to face him fully, still keeping your grip on the pole, close enough to jump down if something set you off. With your back to the cars, you watched Bucky. 

“You like taking long bubble baths with a good book. You love watching the sunset because it reminds you of a new day coming,” he continued, not once taking his eyes off yours, “when it’s too hot, you stick my arm in the freezer and hold it against you. You like it when you play with my hair, but you love it, even more, when I run my fingers through yours. Saying it calms you and helps you sleep.” 

You feel your face fall, as a new wave of fresh tears begins to pool in your eyes. Bucky knew he now had your attention. 

“You hate training with Steve in the morning, as you’d much rather stay in bed. You kick everyone’s ass at chess,” he kept going, “you’ve always wanted to learn how to swing dance, but won’t let Steve teach you because he can’t dance. You hate it when I catch you singing in the shower, you hate Twilight, but you know it’s better than 50 Shades. You prefer reading the Harry Potter books instead of watching the movies because the books are better. You love to read wearing my clothes because they make you feel at home.”

You were full on crying now, listening intently to every single word Bucky was saying. 

“You’re the love of my life (Y/N). You’ve always been there for me when Steve couldn’t. I was a huge ass to leave you. I should’ve never done that when I should’ve told you it was getting bad again. I should’ve just been honest with you. It’s all my fault,  _ not _ yours. So please, come down. Don’t do this to yourself.”

A small whimper left your lips, your legs trembled underneath you. Realization and fear hit you all at once, as you began to realize where you were actually standing. The sound of the cars underneath you. 

“I promised you I’d always love you didn’t I? I meant it (Y/N), I’m never going to leave you again.”

You sobbed, a broken cry left you, Bucky sighed in relief, knowing it was safe enough to walk towards you.

“(Y/N), I love you,  _ I love you _ so much,” he said sincerely as he reached for your hands, gripping them tightly in his. “I want to hold you and kiss you, I want to be the one to help chase your demons away, I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you. I know you might not ever forgive me for what I did, but at least let me help you. Let me show you how much I love you.” Bucky squeezed your hands, “This past year proved to me, that I can’t live without you doll. I  _ need _ you, okay? So please let me help you.”

In a second, you broke down, sobbing letting go of the pole. Bucky catches you quickly before you could topple off the edge. He pulls you down to him, hugging you close. Moving far away from the ledge.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby.” Bucky whispered softly in your ear, kissing your temple, “I’m never leaving you ever again.”

“I forgive you, I forgive you.” You buried your face into his neck, clutching at his back. “You’re real, you’re actually real.” You chanted it like a mantra as you burrowed yourself deeper into Bucky’s embrace. You know Steve and Nat are watching from the sidelines, but you can’t look at them right now. You needed to convince yourself and believe that Bucky was  _ actually _ here with you. 

Later that evening, you were curled up next to Bucky in the infirmary. Covered by all the blankets you could ever ask for, cocooning you in your own little world. Away from everything from outside. Bucky ran his fingers through your hair, brushing your bottom lip with his thumb. He pulled you into a tender kiss, “I’m never leaving you again.” he whispered against you. Bucky was back,  _ your _ Bucky was actually back. And for the first time in a year, you slept peacefully knowing that Bucky was going to be there when you woke up. 

That he was  _ always _ going to be there. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love  
> Comments are life
> 
> Guess who just finished the next part to Motionless? I know right? Finally! I should be up tomorrow! So stay tuned!! :D


End file.
